The final word in Black Dragon t-shirts

The following is an actual review of an actual item on Amazon.com:



If dragons could wear t-shirts, this is the one they would wear.,
May 20, 2009
36 of 37 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
By O. de Frias "realmadrid2727" - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)
This is, without a doubt, the best black shirt with an angry monochrome dragon perched on two natural pillars on a cliff that I have ever seen. I know that when I get married, this is the undershirt I'll wear. The amount of awesome displayed on your chest canvas while wearing this shirt, obviously a shirt given to man by Zeus himself, is currently impossible to calculate using our current mathematical constructs. We actually need to devise a new form of mathematics which we should call Wurm Theory in order to parse the data.

I'm going to explain to you what it's like wearing this shirt. Each separate occasion merits a new stage of awesomeness being unlocked.

First wearing - You hear Sean Connery's voice command you to be the greatest. Whether you want to or not, while this shirt is on your back you will comply.

Second wearing - The best theme song of all time is instantly created for you and sung by the dragon on your shirt which, contrary to what you would assume, has an awe-inspiring singing voice.

Third wearing - You ascend to a higher level of consciousness.

Fourth wearing - The "what came first, the chicken or the egg" riddle is conclusively solved.

Fifth wearing - Zeus reveals his master plan and the meaning of life.

Sixth wearing - You get like, $0.20 off all your Starbucks purchases, and some places even let you take the cup you used the day before and knock an additional $0.05 if you use that.

PROS: Dragon on your shirt, Sean Connery finally gets some steady work again
CONS: Some of the independently-owned Starbucks don't let you do the used cup thing.